if

and if an if as if as if by magic as if nothing had happened as if one's life depended on it as if one's life depends on it as-if rule as if someone owns the place as if there is no tomorrow as if there's no tomorrow as if there was no tomorrow as if there were no tomorrow big if true but if claret would be port if it could correct me if I'm wrong damned if I know damned if one does and damned if one doesn't don't mind if I do elif endif even if even if one's life depended on it fuck if I know hell if I care hell if I know if a day if all else fails if and only if if and when if anything if applicable if at all if at first you don't succeed if-bet if-by-whiskey if clause if ever if ever there was one if ever there were one if ever there were some if there ever were one if ever there has been one iff iffy if I do say so myself if I ever saw one if I had a nickel for every time if I may if I may be so bold if I may make so bold if I may say so if I'm honest if I might be so bold if I'm not mistaken if I say so myself if it be so if it had not been for if it isn't if it kills one if it looks like a duck if it's all the same if it's not one thing it's another if it's the last thing I do if it's yellow let it mellow if it wasn't if it were not for if it you please if I've ever seen one if I were you if looks could kill if memory serves if money if need be if needs be if not if not for if nothing else if one is a day if only if only the czar knew if only the tsar knew if pigs had wings if pigs had wings they would fly ifpology if possible if push comes to shove if so if so be if that if that doesn't beat all if that don't beat all if that's not if the cap fits if the mountain won't come to Muhammad if-then if-then-else if-thenism if-then statement if there ever was one if these walls could talk if the shoe fits if truth be told if you ask me if you don't mind me saying if you know what I mean if you know you know if you lie with dogs you will get fleas if you like if you pay peanuts, you get monkeys if you please if you say so if you see what I mean if you will I wouldn't piss on someone if they were on fire know if one is Arthur or Martha like as if look as if one had lost a shilling and found sixpence look as if one has been dragged through a hedge backwards look as if one has lost a shilling and found sixpence never ask the barber if you need a haircut nice work if you can get it nothing if not not if I see you first one's damned if one does and one's damned if one doesn't only if if I care what if what-if would lose one's head if it wasn't attached would lose one's head if it wasn't bolted on would lose one's head if it wasn't glued on would lose one's head if it wasn't screwed on would lose one's head if it wasn't stuck on would lose one's head if it wasn't tied on would lose one's head if it weren't attached wouldn't shout if a shark bit him you'd complain if you were hung with a new rope you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't